Strengthening your courage muscle

Learning to find your identity in Christ, not in fear.

Have you ever decided against reaching out to someone because you were nervous how they would respond?

Have you ever chosen inaction versus action based on fear?

Have you ever turned down an opportunity to be a blessing because you decided someone else could do it better?

So has everyone else. We cannot continue to live by fear, passing by countless opportunities for God to use us.

This is my story.

All of my life I’ve struggled with social anxiety. It got so bad that in high school I didn’t let anyone get close to me. I had friends, but they were all distant friends, kept at arm’s length. I was constantly obsessed with what people thought of me. I only went to youth group at my church once, because I sat in the corner with no one to talk to. No one came over to me and I was too self-conscious to go up to anyone.

I don’t remember feeling too lonely in high school. I had my family and was dedicated to Jesus. But there was this vague curiousity and longing, a wondering if there was something that I was missing. It was as if I wanted to live a full life, a life fully submitted and given over to the Lord, but there was a barrier, something insurmountable that so often held me back.

That barrier was fear.

I think that this fear is very common. In fact, it was that realization that eventually enabled me to begin to overcome it. The Lord allowed me to go through a crazy gap year program with many awkward moments, semi-desensitizing me to feeling awkward and out of place. Then, I spent my freshman year of college holed up in my room feeling very lonely and depressed, unable to bring myself to attend the many opportunities there were for community. I still kept myself apart, not allowing anyone to come close, lest they know who I am and judge me for it. The lies that people had spoken about me kept pounding in my head…”socially awkward,” “Goody-two-shoes,” “snobby rich girl,” “privileged,” “sheltered.” I was always very afraid to tell anyone that I was homeschooled, because of the implications that might bring, the assumptions that would make about me.

But the Lord is gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. One day he woke me up from my fear-prison. As I sat there wondering if anyone would ever want to love me, ever want to be my friend just because they enjoyed spending time with me, it struck me that maybe everyone else felt the same way. What if there were others in my school and community who were simply sitting around with broken hearts waiting for someone to love them? This shifted my entire perspective. By placing my focus now not on how I felt or how someone may perceive me, but instead on how I could fulfil that longing in others, I realized I could overcome that fear. I had a realization that if I met someone who I thought was interesting, or a good influence, or loved Jesus, and I wanted to be friends with them, rather than waiting around for them to talk to me, I could pursue them.

Relationships take work, even or maybe especially friendships. Community is vital, and in order to find deep friendships, you must be ready to swallow your pride, fear, and self-consciousness and think about the other person. You must be ready to look a little awkward, to take a leap of faith, and to simply declare people to be your friends.

So that’s what I started to do. I found people that I looked up to and wanted to be friends with, and I pursued them. It’s as simple as that. Mystery of the universe solved.

This may seem like a very small epiphany. But it changed my life.

Now, instead of clamming up when I meet new people, constantly distracted by what I sound or look like, I can genuinely love them, focus on how they feel, and make them feel loved by letting them know they are worth pursuing. It’s an entirely new perspective.

I want to make something very clear. I’m still afraid. I still, probably too often than I should, think about what others think of me. I get anxious when I meet with a group or get thrown into new situations, like starting a new job, volunteering somewhere, or even going to the doctor’s office. But I’m no longer imprisoned by fear. I recognize that anxiety is there, but I have stretched my courage muscle enough that I am used to recognizing truth from lies and acting not on what my anxiety dictates, but instead on what God commands.

Now, instead of clamming up when I meet new people, constantly distracted by what I sound or look like, I can genuinely love them, focus on how they feel, and make them feel loved by letting them know they are worth pursuing. It’s an entirely new perspective.

Courage is a muscle. Too often we are imprisoned by fear because we are used to being comfortable. We don’t realize that there is an entire world of possibilities out there that we are missing: deep relationships, miracles, transformation, life-altering prayer, if only we would learn to take little steps of faith that can turn into big leaps. “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).

That’s why I’m a huge fan of trying new things. In fact, I talk about this so much that my family calls it my “soap box.” Stepping out of your comfort zone can be something as simple as trying a new type of food, like fish with the eyes still in it or really spicy curry. It can be as simple as going up to someone in a crowd and having a conversation, even when you’re sure you have no idea what to say. It can be as simple as going paddle-boarding, or bike riding, or traveling. These small steps are ways in which we can accustom ourselves to overcoming that small sense of panic that rises in our chest when we’re alone in a crowd, or attending a new event, or comforting someone who’s crying.

When you get used to acting on God’s promises and not your own strength, crazy things start to happen. When you’ve strengthened your courage muscle through small steps of faith, before you know it you could be speaking to crowds of people on the greatness of God, or traveling around the world ministering to the poor, or preaching the gospel on the street corner. You could be the difference between someone committing suicide and choosing to live, or someone choosing to parent rather than aborting their unborn child.

You could be the difference between someone committing suicide and choosing to live, or someone choosing to parent rather than aborting their unborn child.

When we, through the strength of the Holy Spirit, choose to live by the truth of God’s Word rather than enslaved by our fear, we open ourselves up to the mighty hand of God. “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry ‘Abba! Father!’” (Romans 8:15). In this verse, like elsewhere in Scripture, there is a juxtaposition of fear and our identity in Christ. Since we have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, we have the boldness to cry “Abba! Father!” and no longer “fall back into fear.” It’s a choice between living out the identity that God has given you, versus the identity that fear of the world gives you. “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7). The only right fear is fear of God. If you are acting on something simply because you are afraid, that is not of God. Every time we choose to act in spite of our fear, we declare that God is greater than our fear, and what He says is greater than what the world says. We live into our identity as children of God, aligning ourselves more with His will and readying ourselves to be used in His Kingdom.

The only right fear is fear of God.

God wants to use you in mighty ways. He has given you gifts that can be used for His glory. But the first step is breaking down that stronghold of fear around your heart, and allowing HIM to dictate who you are and what you’re becoming.